Did I just wake from a febrile hallucination? Luis Suarez (of Uruguay) efficiently blocked the winning strike for Ghana today … with his hand.
Last I checked Soccer for Dummies, that’s sort of the goalkeeper’s job.
The hand ball violation that afforded Suarez the well-deserved red card was more than your run-of-the-mill, spastic, twitch reflex action. It was a remarkable arc of a swat. It was a distinct act of desperation. It goes against years of training. What the replay footage in slo-mo said was clear: Luis’ violation was a deliberate feat of ersatz martyrdom — and it only took a second. It was disgusting. It was Suarez’s inelegant, simian way of segueing the match into that edge-of-your-seat, penultimate phase of penalty kicks, thus granting the Uruguayan coterie one last chance to break free of a tongue-tied conundrum of a match and leap into the next round of the World Cup (as fugitives). Preceding each penalty kick, you could cut the tension with a Vuvuzela.
In this context alone, the red card was worth it. Wasn’t it? It was a small price to pay in lieu of a jingoistic, testosteronic (a.k.a. moronic) and macrocosmic cause.
Say what you will about penalty kicks. Personally, I think they are unfair and a puzzling way to brusquely fast-forward the otherwise natural flow of a soccer match to its denouement. It’s a Dues ex Machina.
Ghana should have made their penalty kicks; that much is clear. Particularly the freebie proceeding Luis (Goalie Wannabe) Suarez’s red card. But that’s missing the point, and you know it. The penalty kicks only took place on behalf of a delinquent and (let’s face it) immoral act, and that in itself throws the rulebook out the goddamn window.
As my eyes stung and burned at the sight of Ghana’s players bawling (virtually prostrate) over a victory unjustly usurped by Uruguay, a voodoo ideation spun in my head like broken vinyl: Suarez, karma will have its way.